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Thursday, March 5, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Join Catalyst for an SAT Bootcamp, a 2-day workshop that arms students with go-to strategies for every question they're guaranteed to face on the SAT. Catalyst's SAT Bootcamp is the only prep class designed by instructors who take the actual SAT every time the test is offered. Selected topics include how to:
- Crack math questions that stump more than 90% of test-takers
- Craft a perfect score SAT essay, no matter what question the SAT asks✓Spot hidden clues in long, convoluted reading passages
- Maintain focus and clarify under pressure - indispensable skills for anyone tackling the 3 hour and 45 minute SAT
Saturday, March 7th: 9am-1pm
Sunday, March 8th: 9am-1pm
at Henry M. Gunn High School
Cost: $175 (We unfortunately cannot accommodate walk-in students)
For more information or to enroll, visit www.CatalystPrep.com and click the Bootcamp Sign-Up tab on the website's menu bar.
The deadline to enroll in this special SAT prep opportunity is Wednesday, March 4th.
A Portion Of The Proceeds Benefits The Academic Center!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Raising a Resilient Teenager in a Stressed Out Society
By Deborah Sloss, LCSW Site Director, JLS Middle School
As parents, we remember the joy of holding our newborn child in our arms, and the powerful drive to provide for their needs and keep them safe.
As they became toddlers and began to explore the world, we tried to ensure a safe environment where they could grow. We baby proofed our homes, bought safety-rated toys appropriate for their age, and then smiled tolerantly as they took all the pots and pans out of the cabinet and happily banged on them, impressed with themselves for their power and ingenuity.
We watch them expand their horizons and develop new skills, all the while being aware that with each new step comes new risks and new dangers. They run excitedly chasing a new discovery, only to trip and fall. But amazingly, they get themselves up and try again; building confidence, overcoming frustration and developing inner strength. We marvel at their resiliency and determination.
As they begin school, they enter a period of life where their focus shifts from parents being the center of their lives to negotiating the complex world of interactions with peers, teachers and other adults. We help them do homework, give them hugs when another child hurts their feelings, cheer for them at soccer and basketball games. We read stories, tuck them in at night and watch them sleep, all the while feeling thankful that they successfully navigated yet another day in an increasingly complex world.
Fast forward to the teenage years. Now we are spending hours at the mall while they try to find the perfect pair of faded jeans and plead with us to buy electronics, and other accessories so they can “keep up appearances” as they head off to school the next day.
Why then, do our teens often express feeling stressed out and dissatisfied? Do we chalk it up to teenage hormones, or is there something more going on?
In her book, The Price of Privilege, psychologist Madeleine Levine describes a disturbing trend among the teens she sees in her psychotherapy practice. Despite being raised in an affluent environment, with many material goods, these teens are unhappy.
They “describe ‘being at loose ends’ or ‘missing something inside” and feeling “too pressured, misunderstood, anxious, angry, sad and empty”. Levine continues, “...they don’t seem to know themselves very well. They lack the practical skills for navigating out in the world...” Levine, The Price of Privilege, p 5 Levine believes that the young people she sees in therapy are failing to develop a strong, confident sense of self. Instead of looking within themselves to define their own values and priorities, they are externally motivated to please parents and teachers. Instead of focusing on who they are, they focus on what they achieve through school and extra-curricular activities.
As a child, I remember spending hours sitting on the swing in my parent’s backyard, looking at the grass under my feet and wondering the meaning of life. Today’s youth are not given the time and space for daydreaming, fantasizing, or reflecting. Such times are critical in thinking about interests, values, skills and talents that help clarify how we see our place in the world. According to Levine, “Parents pressure their children to be outstanding while neglecting the process by which outstanding children are formed.” Levine, p 65 While seeming to “have it all”, many teens today have an underdeveloped sense of self that as adults we know is so important to function successfully in the greater society.
Author Wendy Mogel (The Blessing of a B Minus), also provides another useful perspective on how our teenagers are getting waylaid. Mogel states:
- “It is good for adolescents to be bored, lonely, disappointed, frustrated, unhappy...When we intervene to prevent the pain of tough situations, we create a reflex: Whenever a child feels sadness or confusion, frustration or disappointment, she believes she cannot survive the feeling...If teenagers don’t have the opportunity to recognize their bad feelings or problems and learn to manage them, they go off to college and seek out quick, reliable methods to make the pain disappear.” Mogel, Blessing of a B Minus, p 97
Mogel goes on to suggest that parents employ the following strategies to help struggling teens build internal strength and resilience:
Wait it Out: An overly anxious response on the part of parents sends the message to teens that they can’t handle distress, confusion and poor choices.
Normalize Setbacks: Talk to your teen about times things don’t work out for you as planned and how you deal with these situations.
Be Empathetic, Not Entangled: Be curious and kind but not alarmed.
Encourage Them to Advocate for Themselves: Many issues can be resolved by talking directly to teachers and other adults in their lives.
Demonstrate Confidence in Your Teen’s Problem-Solving Skills: Give your teen the opportunity to demonstrate resourcefulness in handling problems.
When They Create Problems, Let Them Experience the Consequences: When we deprive kids of freedom in an attempt to “keep them safe” they miss opportunities to learn to use good judgment.
It is through such experiences that young people develop the ability to tolerate frustration, delay gratification, and regulate their own internal state. They are able to create an internal psychological “safe haven” that provides a retreat when they need to think things through and take care of themselves.
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, the developmental task of adolescence is to successfully navigate the developmental phase of Identity vs Role Confusion. During this period, teens ponder the roles they will play in the adult world. It is during this stage that adolescents will re-examine their identity and try to find out exactly who they are. Mastery of this phase results in a successful transition from childhood to adulthood. Failure to establish a sense of identity can lead to role confusion. It was Erikson who coined the term identity crisis.
Young people with a healthy sense of self feel more in control of their lives and demonstrate an ability to act in their best interest. They have a budding identity, with hobbies and interests they feel passionate about; they value and accept themselves for who they are.
How can we, as parents, help our children to develop a healthy sense of self? We can remind ourselves, and them, that we support their growth and development by not always jumping in to protect them and solve their problems. We can foster their exploration of who they are. We can support them as they grow into strong, self-confident young adults by being available and ready to listen, by providing guidance, and by believing in their decision-making ability and in their capacity to figure things out.
Adolescent Counseling Services is a community non-profit, which provides vital counseling services on nine secondary campuses at no charge to students and their families. To learn more about our services please visit the ACS website at www.acs-teens.org or call Pamela Garfield, LCSW Site Director at Gunn (650) 849-7919. ACS relies on the generosity of community members to continue offering individual, family, and group counseling to over 1,500 individuals annually. ACS provides critical interventions and mental health services, building a better future for tomorrow. If you are interested in helping to support our efforts, do not hesitate to call to make a donation. It goes a long way in helping teenagers find their way!
SELPA Event: Building a Community for our Children through Social Capital
- Are you looking for ways to create a more inclusive community for your child / adult with special needs?
- Are you interested in what is already happening right here in the Silicon Valley?
- Do you want to be part of the solution?
As parents and caregivers for our children with special needs, we strive to create a community around them where they can participate and feel included. The Interdependence Network (http://buildingsocialcapital.org) is dedicated to helping human service organizations shift to a model based on helping their clients build social capital, which is created when people are included, involved, and engaged in their communities. We will hear from local organizations, who will discuss how they are building inclusive communities right here in the Bay Area using this model.
- Cathy Bouchard, Director of Day Services from Hope Services
- Mary Hoshiko-Haughey, Vice President of Operations for Youth Development and Social Responsibility, YMCA of Silicon Valley
- Elizabeth Jordan, Chief Operating Officer, YMCA of Silicon Valley
Parents and active community-builders Mercy Forde and Lisa Zuegel will facilitate the discussion which will include what we can each do to help our kids build social capital and make this 'interdependent' community a reality.
This talk is based on the book written by Al Condeluci, Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change http://alcondeluci.com/social-capital-the-key-to-macro-change/
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Hospitality: 6:45pm
Meeting: 7 to 9 pm
Covington Elementary School Multi
205 Covington
Los Altos 94024
This parent education event is sponsored by the SELPA 1 CAC (www.selpa1cac.org) All of our events are free and open to anyone who feels they might benefit. No registration is necessary.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
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Thursday, January 15, 2015
The Poison of Perfectionism
by Merrett Sheridan, LMFT, Site Director at Palo Alto High School
“I’ve failed over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed” – Michael Jordan
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly” – Robert F. Kennedy
At Adolescent Counseling Services at PALY, the most common issue we saw students for last year was academic stress. At the root of this is often a belief around being perfect fueled by extremely negative judgments about making mistakes and failure. The cost of perfectionism and the resulting stress is extremely high, both emotionally and physically. At a perfectionists core is a belief that mistakes are unacceptable and that their self-worth is dependent upon not making any, EVER. The challenge here being that everyone makes mistakes so the perfectionist is inevitably doomed having set for themselves an unreachable goal and hanging their well-being in the balance of reaching it. This leads to high levels of stress and I often point out to these students that perfectionism and mental health are mutually exclusive, you simply cannot have both. Mistakes are nothing to fear and there’s no way around them, and if you react rather than learn from them they will have served no purpose other than to further eat away at your self-worth.
Perfectionism can also lead to loneliness. Most perfectionists I have worked with will easily offer others compassion and wiggle room for mistakes and imperfections and quickly come to the aid of others, but insist on leaving themselves stranded believing that even asking for help is a sign of weakness and imperfection. This perfect way of being I explain often keeps people away from them out of feeling intimidated and unworthy themselves because they don’t compare with you. And that conversely when a person shows imperfection and vulnerability it actually pulls others closer in because they feel you are more human and relatable.
The reason I titled this article the “Poison” of Perfectionism is because of the release of a stress hormone called Cortisol whenever a person is experiencing distress. So let’s talk a little about stress and the negative consequences of high doses of the stress hormone Cortisol that is released when one is under distress. Here is an excerpt from an article in Psychology Today underlying the effect of cortisol on mental health:
“Chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels also increase risk for depression, mental illness, and lower life expectancy. This week, two separate studies were published in Science linking elevated cortisol levels as a potential trigger for mental illness and decreased resilience—especially in adolescence.” Published on January 22, 2013 by Christopher Bergland in The Athlete's Way (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201301/cortisol-why-the-stress-hormone-is-public-enemy-no-1)
From this perspective it’s easy to see that there is a connection between stress and mental health that in all likelihood cycles one further and further down the rabbit hole of depression and anxiety. First, the perfectionist has deep beliefs about their image which is not sustainable that causes high distress for them, leading to problems with mental and emotional functioning that is also not acceptable to them. Truly a viscous cycle. And, it’s not just mental health that is susceptible to the toxic effects of cortisol, here is another article discussing the physical effects:
“Some of the largest costs associated with perfectionism may be in terms of poor health. A longitudinal study following a sample of Canadians over 6.5 years showed that trait perfectionism predicted earlier mortality” The Price of Perfectionism by Gordon Flett (http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/publications/observer/2012/march-12/the-price-of-perfectionism.html)
So what can be done for the perfectionist student? How can parents and others help them to flourish and achieve excellence without falling into the emotional choke hold of perfectionism? First of all is to give perspective. Help your child to understand what the ultimate goals in life are and that the journey, while challenging at times is what makes up his or her life. That if you only focus on what you “get” at the end, there will inevitably a “next” achievement and therefore one never experiences anything but a temporary sense of satisfaction, losing sight of the rich experiences to be gained along the way, and exhausting oneself on the hamster wheel of perfectionism. Ask yourself what messages you are sending your kids. Are you somehow adding to the pressure? Check in with them and ask. One way to look at is too strive for excellence but not perfection. As parents you want your children to be successful, but what does that mean? Defining happiness is an important life skill that isn’t taught in school but may be the most important question of all. We all have the right to pursue it but many never sit down and really explore what it truly means to be happy. I invite you now to do that with your children especially if they are struggling with perfectionism. Just getting a healthy message from a parent can go a long way in relieving distress.
For parents of seniors specifically as college acceptance and rejection letters roll in, help your child understand that where one door closes another opens and that to let this perceived failure result in excessive amounts of stress, and therefore Cortisol, is like salt in a would. It’s fine, and advised, to allow them to feel sad and disappointed but then move on, re-group and review the end goal and design a new, informed map. There are always options and new beginnings. As a first-time college dropout myself I can speak personally to the idea that striving for perfection is not the only path that through perceived failures one can re-define, re-route and most importantly learn from experience and gather wisdom along the way. Somehow, I achieved many of my goals while making plenty of mistakes and missteps but I do my best to pay attention and integrate the life lessons that are ripe for the pickin’ along the way.
Finally, here is a wonderful video on the subject by Harvard Professor Tal Ben Shahar, I invite you to take a look and watch it with any perfectionists in your family in hopes that helps to decrease stress and cortisol levels that are blocking the path to more happiness and emotional well-being for you or a loved one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgFfhJBQplk (Tal Ben Shahar video) “Learn to fail or fail to learn.”
Adolescent Counseling Services is a community non-profit, which provides vital counseling services on nine secondary campuses at no charge to students and their families. To learn more about our services please visit the ACS website at www.acs-teens.org or call Pamela Garfield, LCSW Site Director at Gunn (650) 849-7919. ACS relies on the generosity of community members to continue offering individual, family, and group counseling to over 1,500 individuals annually. ACS provides critical interventions and mental health services, building a better future for tomorrow. If you are interested in helping to support our efforts, do not hesitate to call to make a donation. It goes a long way in helping teenagers find their way!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Gunn PTSA Wellness Program
The Gunn PTSA is proud to sponsor "Just for Moms of Teens/Pre-teens: 9-week Holistic Wellness Program" beginning January 14 (9 week session).
Wednesday evenings 6-8pm
1/14/15 - 3/11/15
Gunn High School - Room K2
Use the newly constructed drop-off area off the intersection of Arastradero & Miranda. Room K2 is corner classroom behind planter boxes.
NOTE: Miranda Avenue is the tiny street that runs parallel to & immediately BEFORE Foothill Express coming from Terman. DO NOT turn onto Foothill Expressway. If you did, you've gone too far.
Description: For Moms of Teens and Pre-teens in Palo Alto and Surrounding Communities. We all share a vital need for social connection. Yet we’re so focused on supporting our teens, we often neglect our own social relationships. To support our teens well, we need to be supported ourselves. This 9-week holistic wellness program for moms weaves together community building, gentle yoga, mindfulness, and, perhaps most importantly, authentic sharing about the realities of raising teens who are anxious, depressed and/or under a great deal of pressure to succeed. As the founder of MBSM, Jaclyn Long is a Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in supporting anxious and depressed teens and their parents. For more information visit www.MindBodySpiritMoms.com
To register contact:
Jaclyn Long, MFT
Founder & Director, Mind Body Spirit Moms
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