Spring Fever or Loss of Motivation: How to Help Your Underachieving Teen
By Jennifer Jones, LCSW, Site Director, Palo Alto High
School
It’s
that time of year; the long winter is over, trees are blossoming, the
temperature is warming, and we all want to go to the beach instead of to
work. That’s why Spring Break was
invented. But what if a week of
vacation doesn’t revive and re-inspire?
What if that loss of interest in work isn’t temporary? As the Supervisor
in a counseling center on a high school campus, I have been hearing a lot
lately from parents and teens about a general loss of motivation and interest
in doing well in school. If it
didn’t just start prior to spring break and isn’t “Senioritis;” if it’s been
ongoing, what can parents do to increase a teen’s motivation to succeed?
As
human beings we develop the motivation to please our parents as we receive
nurturance, love, food and other basic needs from them. As we grow from babies to toddlers and
throughout childhood, we receive both intrinsic and extrinsic rewards for
behaving appropriately and doing what we are told. By the time we become independent adults, we have learned
what happens when we “don’t behave,” when we procrastinate, don’t complete our
tasks, act irresponsibly, or make poor choices. How we spend our time is our
choice now and we deal with the consequences. Teenagers need to test; they need
to find out “what will happen if…?” on their journey to adulthood. Making poor choices or mistakes is part
of the process.
As
parents, we have the most influence over our children’s lives, until they hit
adolescence. At this time, their
focus turns to the outside world.
They begin to learn more from their friends, other adults, and the
surrounding culture. They start behaving differently and want to spend less
time with family, all normal developmental processes. Their interests may broaden and motivators may change. But when a parent notices a significant
and alarming shift in their teen’s school performance it can be a cause for
action. Two factors that tend to lead to a loss of motivation in teens, and
which parents can still greatly influence, are:
1)
Loss of self-confidence/self-esteem, and
2)
Lack of control/choices in their life.
Sometimes
a very authoritarian-style of parenting, which includes lecturing, criticizing,
having unrealistic expectations, and engaging in frequent power struggles with
children can erode a child’s self-esteem.
If there are too many conditions for love and acceptance, the child may
just give up entirely or chose to rebel by doing poorly.
Sometimes
we parents don’t realize we continue to parent our teens as if they are still
younger children. We haven’t
shifted our parenting role to match their changing developmental needs. We may continue to tell our teens what
to do, when and how to do it, and how they should feel about it. This can create dependence, low
self-esteem and/or resentment.
Parents
can help re-motivate their teens by empowering them to act responsibly. Teens need to be given choices.
Consequences of each choice can be explained while allowing the teen to make
their own decision, and ultimately learn from their own mistakes. Parents can
create a more respectful, cooperative environment by allowing teens to
participate in creating the house rules.
Parents can be firm but kind, “I love you and I don’t like this
behavior.” Natural consequences
are generally more effective than punishments. Parents can involve teens in problem solving. Parents can ask their teen what they
think they should do in a given situation, leading the teen to finding a
solution rather than telling them what the solution should be. Parents can also help re-inspire their
teens by doing the following:
1 1. Provide unconditional
support and acceptance
2 2. Encourage teens to
explore their passions, validate those passions and provide the tools necessary
for exploration
3 3. Help teens discover their
unique strengths and abilities
4 4. Set small, realistic
goals, especially for the procrastinator
5 5. Provide positive feedback
and constructive criticism
6 6. Provide incentives
(money, electronics, more freedom, etc.)
7 7. Encourage teens to do
volunteer work in their community
When
something more serious is suspected, there is help out there for parents and
teens. Parents can go to their student’s
Guidance Counselor, School Psychologist, Student Support Services or ACS
Counselor to meet, discuss and figure out what is going on and where to access
the best support, help and resources that is needed.
Teens
respond to the same motivators as adults.
As parents we should remind ourselves about what motivates us, what it’s
like to feel inspired, and how it feels to be successful - then consistently
model that for our children.
Adolescent Counseling Services is a
community non-profit, which provides vital counseling services on eight
secondary campuses at no charge to students and their families. To learn more
about our services please visit the ACS website at www.acs-teens.org or call
Sabrina
Geshay, LMFT, Site Director at Gunn (650) 849-7919. ACS relies on the generosity of
community members to continue offering individual, family, and group counseling
to over 1,500 individuals annually.
ACS provides critical interventions and mental health services, building
a better future for tomorrow. If you are interested in helping to support our
efforts, do not hesitate to call
to make a donation. It goes a long way in helping teenagers
find their way!
